For a while, I had been feeling a drought in my relationship with God. It was difficult for me to believe that He truly is a loving God. By not being in the word, I had not only experienced a toll on my mental health, but I had also experienced daily exhaustion, a lack of joy, and in fact, I had found it increasingly difficult to love and be patient with others.
Instead of looking to God, I had tried to fill myself with worldly and very temporary things. I distracted myself with my phone or work when sad and angry, went on walks, and spent hours in nature just to feel something or to the gym to exhaust my body and mind. And when worldly things were not filling me, I had taken my anger out on my family, friends, and mostly on God.
I had grown angrier toward God and had even blamed Him for how I had been acting. But the reality was that I became angry with God when I wasn’t spending time with Him. The more distant I got, the worse my perspective of Him became. So, begrudgingly, I opened my bible and began reading verses and instead of yelling at God when praying, I started apologizing and asking for forgiveness and help. I needed His help for my lack of faith and to help me in my anger and pain.
God first reminded me that he is always with me. Even when I feel so distant from Him and angry at Him, He told me He is with me regardless because He loves me.
Here are the verses He used:
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you”
Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV
“Am I only a God nearby, declares the Lord, and not a God far away.”
Jeremiah 23:23 NIV
“In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”
Proverbs 3: 6-8 ESV
How I had been living and acting recently reminds me of The Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15: 11-32). I drew away from God and began resenting Him. I foolishly thought I didn’t need Him, but that only led to despair. I genuinely hated my life. I knew I needed to go back but I didn’t want to open my bible. I wanted God to bless me and fill me without having to spend time with Him. I forgot how much I needed Jesus, and how important it was to take up my cross daily and follow Him (Luke 9:23). The Parable of the Prodigal Son brought me a lot of hope as well because it reminded me that we were created by an incredibly gracious and loving father who wants only what is best for his children.
“For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.”
Psalms 100:5 NIV
“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart”
Jeremiah 29:13 NIV
I definitely have a better understanding of what it means to be a lukewarm Christian, and I wouldn’t want anyone to live that way. As a Christian, I know that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6) but I wasn’t living that way. I wasn’t appreciating everything He has done for me and I was going to worldly things and sinning in order to feel pleasure. But, nothing lasts when you turn to anything but God. In fact, I was left feeling empty and sad knowing I disobeyed God. God doesn’t owe me anything but sometimes I certainly act like I deserve more from Him and by being prideful and angry, I became lukewarm.
The bible talks about how God would prefer you to be on fire for Him or to be completely against Him.
“I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”
Revelation 3:15-16
“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.”
Matthew 6:24 ESV
“You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.”
James 4:4 NIV
I know that sometimes I will continue to struggle with trusting God and having faith but I will continue to pray for God to help and continue to pursue God in all things. This is a reminder that we all need to go humbly before God, repent of our sins, and fully submit our lives to him. We can’t serve two masters.
“…God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”
James 4:6-8 ESV
God called me back to himself and I couldn’t be more grateful. God is so faithful and loving. He called me back to living a life for Him and is asking me to remain faithful and to trust in Him.
Is He asking you to do the same?
Praying that we all prioritize God, trust in Him, and continue to deepen our relationship with Him because it is so worth it. Nothing else compares to the love of God and nothing is more important than having a relationship with Jesus. If you have also experienced this in your walk with Jesus, please don’t hesitate to comment on how you made your way back to God.
Thank you for reading and have a blessed day,
Olivia Butler
Liv(e)forChrist 